Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize