I skipped work to stalk him.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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