She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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