Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
