that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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