I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
