if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
