Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
