When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
