i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
