how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize