just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
