I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
