So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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