dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
