Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
