bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Someone came in the potted fern
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
