So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
