life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
