Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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