Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
