Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize