Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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