Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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