You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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