I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
