In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She needs sedatives and a leash
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize