ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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