Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
