Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
