It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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