why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize