Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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