your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
