either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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