i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
