also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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