life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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