I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
