mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
