Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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