don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
