i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
