I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
