her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
