You're my little dorito
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
