I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
