My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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