i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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