Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
