Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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