If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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