He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
