i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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