If that was your dad, he is hot
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize