did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
