he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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