Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
