I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize