take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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