Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
