Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
