She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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