This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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