just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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