So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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